turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
its liver damage thursday
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