I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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