So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize