I smell stomach acid.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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