So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
