someone owes me an orgasm
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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