I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
