god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Boobs are out for the taking
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
