plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
