haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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