im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
