I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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