we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
