Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
