lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you will always have a special place in my vag
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just googled if crying burns calories
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
