Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
