What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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