I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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