between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
