I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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