He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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