1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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