i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
