I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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