don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
