3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
