i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
