capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Randomize
