you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
