Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I love you. Go after that dick
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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