Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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