i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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