No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
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He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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