Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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