At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
