On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
