I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
