I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
