"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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