I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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