Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
