Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Drunk walkin through police station. America
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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