A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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