marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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