My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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