Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
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I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
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We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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