don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
