would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
