Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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