Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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