Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
