...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
