Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
