So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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