I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
