Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You left your phone here
Wait...
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