I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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