We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
