He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
