Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
