Me. At least after what I've been through.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
