Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
