I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
