i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Randomize
