I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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