obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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