There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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