My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
