I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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