So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
