You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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