Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
