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im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I could make wine with my vomit
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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