he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
