How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
