Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
