What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
