you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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