You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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