..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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