mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
